Grieving is a natural part of life, and a very common experience that most of us will have at some stage.
There are multiple situations that leads us to grieve, such as bereavement, the end of a relationship and the loss of a job. Some of the emotions and grieving stages are similar between these situations, but we’ll be focusing on the impact of bereavement specifically.
Grief following the death of a loved one can present very differently for different people, meaning it can be quite an isolating situation to live through.
It is rarely a simple, linear process, where the individual goes through each stage of grief gradually, eventually coming to terms with their loss. Instead there is an array of thoughts and emotions, and everyone progresses in their own way, in their own time.
But what exactly is bereavement? And what can help us overcome it?
What is grief?
There are multiple types of loss. Most commonly when we think of loss we think of ‘bereavement’, which is defined as the time period around the death of a loved one in which the individual grieves. This can be split into 2 types:
- Anticipatory grief. This is where a death is expected, maybe due to illness, for example. This can bring forward very similar thoughts and feelings experienced after someone has died, such as deep sadness, depression, guilt, feeling lost or hopeless. In many cases, this does not help alleviate those feelings in preparation for when the individual does pass away.
- Secondary grief. This is a period of time after the person has died. Also characterised by the thoughts and feelings listed above.
What are the stages of grief?
There are a few theories as to how many stages of grief there are, but according to the Kubler-Ross, there are five.
How an individual progresses through these stages is harder to guess. Grief is certainly not a linear, easy process, whereby each stage is experienced in order and only once. Rather, each individual will go through the stages at their own pace, possibly back and forth, and more than once before reaching ‘Acceptance‘ (and possibly bouncing back again). The suggested stages are shown below.
What are the symptoms of grief?
- Unpredictable pattern of emotions. Grief can be very messy: producing an array of emotions, including those less predictable, such as anger, random moments of happiness, followed by guilt, and possibly numbness.
- Sadness and low mood. Loss is what often triggers feeling low and depression.
- Anxiety. Particularly around others passing away.
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Poor concentration. In many cases, usual thoughts and activities are disrupted by thoughts of the loss.
- Finding social situations difficult. It can be hard for others to understand grief without experiencing it themselves in that moment, and so connecting with friends can be difficult during the grieving period.
- Feeling there is a change in identity. For example, losing a mother or partner can mean a change in status, which can also be hard to come to terms with.
How can I manage grief ?
Worden came up with four tasks of mourning, as a way for us to process grief and move closer to acceptance.
- Task 1: To accept the reality of the loss. Often, we might try to stay in a place of denial, but trying to take it in and accept what has happened can really help us to go through the grieving process. We can do this by making practical arrangements, or talking about the loss with friends or family.
- Task 2: To process the pain of grief. Too often, we don’t want to experience painful emotions, so we try to numb the pain by avoiding reminders of the loss, or turning to drugs and alcohol. Instead, let’s try to open up to the pain slowly, allowing ourselves time to mourn, cry and process. Attending support groups can also be useful.
- Task 3: To adjust to a world without the deceased. It can be hard to imagine a life without the person that we have lost, but we need to adjust to a new life. That can include learning new hobbies, taking on new responsibilities, or recognising our new role or identity in the world. Carve out time to become a person your loved one would want you to be.
- Task 4: To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life. Finally, try to keep your connection with your loved one alive. This might include talking about them often, visiting their grave or a place you used to visit together, or keeping photos of them in the house on display. You might find solace in speaking to them aloud.
Can grief be treated?
We would not usually recommend any mental health support during the first month of grief, unless someone is really struggling to cope. It is important to acknowledge and feel the loss during the initial period, as it is perfectly normal to feel those thoughts and symptoms associated with grief (e.g. low mood, anxiety, feeling hopeless).
After that time, if these symptoms are overwhelming, we would recommend counselling or psychotherapy. Psychotherapy provides the opportunity to process the loss and guide an individual through the stages of grief. This is done through a variety of techniques, such as creating and using a narrative to talk through the loss, and what it means for the future. It is also a chance to discuss the change in your identity, if there is one.
We would also recommend a grief group, as it can be helpful to be surrounded by others who understand what you are.
Most notably, we would recommend being as patient and as kind to yourself as possible. Grieving is certainly a very difficult time, and can be a rather complicated process sometimes too. It is important to give yourself the time and space to grieve and come through it at your own pace, with as little self-judgment as possible.
What can Brighter Life Therapy do to help?
If you would like to access psychotherapy to support you with managing grief, please feel free to contact us. We provide fast access to psychotherapy, which you can read about here. Please complete the form below if you’d like to arrange support:
Get in touch to discuss your counselling needs
and find the right therapist for you
Please fill in the details below, then press ‘submit the form’. Our Clinic Manager, Rhianna, will review the form and be in touch via email within 1 working day to discuss her recommendations. If we can help, we will provide you with a link to book an assessment with the most appropriate therapist.
Thank you for your response. ✨
You can also follow us on our Instagram and Facebook for more information about this topic and other mental health discussions. Join our mailing list to stay in touch with latest blogs too.
Join our mailing list
Get new blog content delivered directly to your inbox, including a free resource to boost your self-esteem that includes a quiz and a CBT technique.
You’ll also be the first to hear about new blog articles, resources, tips, advice, offers and updates on our service including our widely anticipated self-paced online courses which cost the fraction of 1:1 therapy.
Just pop your email in the box below, and don’t forget to check your junk inbox it it doesn’t arrive soon.